5 Reasons Why I Do Not Want To Move To Melbourne

This title is self-explanatory for people who live in Tasmania but our stats suggest that we also have readers in Canada, the US, Italy, Germany, Indonesia, the UK, Sweden, ROK, New Zealand, Spain, Singapore, Cambodia, France and Ireland – so I’ll flag this as a story of a relatively small town girl who is resistant to the promises of a big city…

…even if all those readers were just trying to find Azealia Banks lyrics.

A disclaimer: I assume people I know in Melbourne or who are planning to move there will assume this is about them. It’s probably not and it’s also indicative of your general character as a demographic to assume it is. Before you get angry and tell me how much I don’t understand try and make it to the end and read my final note.*

1. I am able to build stable relationships

This is actually one of my favourites, so maybe I should have saved it for last but it’s always a beautiful moment when someone explains moving to Melbourne with, “I’m sick of the people here, the same shit always happens, I have no friends left, there’s no one new to meet” etc . There are two aspects to this, a) you’re not looking hard enough and b) maybe it’s time to look at your own behaviour towards others. What’s more, you generally express this to your friends and while you don’t mean it to, it generally makes them feel pretty worthless or even makes them feel like an idiot for thinking your company was enough and assuming you felt the same.

2. I don’t feel the need to have an obscure degree name to enhance my job prospects

What the fuck is a degree titled Global Governance and Third World Policy? And why do people who enroll in it think it’s any better than an Arts degree majoring in International Relations? Yes, certain universities have good reputations and that can be beneficial to job prospects but I have seen a lot of people move for something as vain as this. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but once the United Nations finds out (which they won’t), they ain’t gonna offer you no dream job.

3. I don’t need magic prescription lenses to see opportunities

Bigger cities do normally have more opportunities, sure, it’s a ratio kind of thing. I have no issue with people moving for careers and jobs and lifestyles – that’s certainly not what this post is about. What it is about is this incredible culture that has developed that allows people who are socially, academically and professionally lazy enough to think that a bigger city also means more will happen for less effort. My life has been more opportunity rich than I ever imagined it would be, but what all you pre-Melbournites refuse to listen to is the part where I worked hard and made sacrifices for that to be the case.

4. There’s plenty of stuff to do here

“It’s so boring here, nothing ever happens, there’s nowhere good to go!” – Are you fucking shitting me?! Hobart is so often heralded for its hospitality, for the quality of our food and the beautiful scenery we encounter when we take time to enjoy it. Yes, give me a seedy pub in a bigger city with more ugly industrial buildings any day… And no one hangs out with you? Do you hang out with anyone? It can be that simple team.

5.  The irrationality of rationality (courtesy of Weber & Ritzer)

Calculability and rationality, keys to success. If I move somewhere bigger, more exciting and more popular I can be exactly the same and expect different results. That’s a definition of madness right? Again, this is no way a go at the motivated, it’s a defiant stand on behalf of us who stay here and then, for no reason, have to suffer the onslaught of you inadvertently telling us how shit out lives are. For fucks sake, WE DON’T LEAVE BECAUSE WE LIKE IT HERE. We like it here and it’s both hurtful and offensive when you’re too busy telling us otherwise to even ask how we’ve been while you’ve been gone.

*Finally, obviously people move for right and wrong reasons all the time, it works out/doesn’t, whatever. People are also genuinely unhappy and need to go. That’s not my point, my point is that back at home we already understand this, what we don’t understand is why you have to boast about it by demeaning our lives in the meantime.



About Liam Carswell & Jamila Fontana

We are two twenty something, pop culture loving, politics loving, left leaning, female rap adoring, fashion obsessive friends from Hobart, Tasmania, Almost Melbourne. On politics, world affairs, relationships, society and all things unspoken and awkward. Liam likes vinyl, Topman and coke. Jamila likes Eve, middle aged folk singers and Che Guevara (still!).
This entry was posted in Hobart, Melbourne, Moving. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to 5 Reasons Why I Do Not Want To Move To Melbourne

  1. nick says:

    If you take offense when people tell you Tassie is boring you probably have as many issues as the people you’re writing about.

    But good article. Melbourne people are also a lot meaner than Tasmanians, in my experience.

  2. Global Citizen. says:

    1. This is a good point on the importance of being able to, and capable of, making and retaining relationships. I agree that there are opportunities to build them in Tasmania almost as equally as there are in Melbourne, although due to the population size of Melbourne one could assume that there would be more like minded people for you to build relationships with, and therefore enhance your sense of community, belonging and social well-being by surrounding yourself with more “you” people.

    2. This point feels like a an overreaction to a personal attack on an IR degree? I would assume it would be relative to all universities and degrees, people everywhere will try to enhance the mundane and use every means available to get ahead of the game, and if that means renaming a simple BA to something fancier or moving institutions then so be it. This could be argued to have a positive step in creating a competitive nature among students, making them achieve and strive for recognition and (hopefully) increase quality of work and effort. Although a must admit the titles of certain degrees are incredulous.

    3. Unfortunately I disagree with you, as stated above the result of there being more like minded people does essentially mean that it is easier for people less motivated or lazy to become involved and be entertained with things they identify with with less effort than it takes in a small city. You also undermine your argument by stating that Melbournians are missing the point in that you worked hard and made sacrifices. Does that not that support the idea that it is in fact easier to be lazy and more rewarded in a bigger city?

    4. Again critical mass and population size. There is without a doubt always going to be more happening and more opportunities to be entertained in a bigger city. Unfortunately the hospitality thing is a bit unfounded, the quality of produce and the scenery however are on the money. They rival the best the rest of the world has to offer, but in regards to the blanket term “hospitality” Tasmania leaves something to be desired, and seedy pubs can be found anywhere, but again, the opportunities for better dining and drinking are increased in bigger cities. No one is debating (or should be) that there is “nothing” to do in Tasmania, but in comparison to cities like Melbourne it is obvious that there is less. This should not come as a surprise, and could be continued in that there would be more in bigger cities like Berlin or New York than there would in Melbourne.

    5. Well for once I agree with you. It shouldn’t matter where you live or what you do, just that you are happy in your environment and are content within it. It’s not about where you live but how you live, so as you said don’t compare yourself to others and tell them how to live their lives, just live your own, you may find it more rewarding.

    • 5 Reasons Why *I* Don’t Want To Move To Melbourne

      • Global Citizen. says:

        Fair enough, I just felt it worth having some equality in the argument, and thought it prudent to include a defence to the accusations that Melbournians are annoying and negative towards Tasmania and the people who choose to stay. Also while this is a personal opinion piece, you have included arguments that go beyond that, and contain generalisations and accusations about the people who are making you angry, and therefore warrant a response.

      • I think you’re interpreting my opinions as applying to a much larger group than I intended. The majority of people I know who move to Melbourne do none of the things I am expressing my frustration at. More importantly, this isn’t about Melbourne as a place so much as the attitude. Like in your point about enhancing the mundane – you’re spot on and my comments aren’t intended so literally as they act as a comment on how you should conduct yourself when you make the decision to enhance the mundane. That comment in particular came from the pride I have in my degree and the fact that just because it might not work for you. you have no right to imply it won’t work for others. There is a small culture forming in Tasmania that moving to Melbourne helps you fix personal problems and that others who stay bear some ignorance to the fact that they suffer the same problems and are guilty of ‘never changing’ for not realising and responding in the same way. That is what I find offensive and just poor form in terms of being a nice person.

        Defending Melbournians shouldn’t be necessary but that’s not an accurate interpretation of how my comments are applied and it implies are much larger group than I intended and admittedly did not make clear for those who do not have first hand experience of what I’m trying to describe.


  3. Future Expatriate says:

    I dislike that most people I’ve known from Tassie who have moved to the mainland (or are just from the mainland!) always exclaim “You’ll never look back!” when I express some interest in living in more of our far-reaching country. They say “Tassie would be nice to raise kids in” but always consider the mainland better for pretty much everything else. I feel like that is such a short-sighted view.

    I felt this article was written with an ‘annoyed’ tone. But I guess that is to be expected when it is more of a self reelection on your own opinions – passion is raging. Cheers.

  4. Nina says:

    Nice, enjoyed this article. Realistic and interesting.

  5. Jen says:

    Ergh, I live in Canberra, and this resonates deeply. I do feel these things, but mostly just shrug my shoulders and feel exceptionally lucky.

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