This title is self-explanatory for people who live in Tasmania but our stats suggest that we also have readers in Canada, the US, Italy, Germany, Indonesia, the UK, Sweden, ROK, New Zealand, Spain, Singapore, Cambodia, France and Ireland – so I’ll flag this as a story of a relatively small town girl who is resistant to the promises of a big city…
…even if all those readers were just trying to find Azealia Banks lyrics.
A disclaimer: I assume people I know in Melbourne or who are planning to move there will assume this is about them. It’s probably not and it’s also indicative of your general character as a demographic to assume it is. Before you get angry and tell me how much I don’t understand try and make it to the end and read my final note.*
1. I am able to build stable relationships
This is actually one of my favourites, so maybe I should have saved it for last but it’s always a beautiful moment when someone explains moving to Melbourne with, “I’m sick of the people here, the same shit always happens, I have no friends left, there’s no one new to meet” etc . There are two aspects to this, a) you’re not looking hard enough and b) maybe it’s time to look at your own behaviour towards others. What’s more, you generally express this to your friends and while you don’t mean it to, it generally makes them feel pretty worthless or even makes them feel like an idiot for thinking your company was enough and assuming you felt the same.
2. I don’t feel the need to have an obscure degree name to enhance my job prospects
What the fuck is a degree titled Global Governance and Third World Policy? And why do people who enroll in it think it’s any better than an Arts degree majoring in International Relations? Yes, certain universities have good reputations and that can be beneficial to job prospects but I have seen a lot of people move for something as vain as this. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but once the United Nations finds out (which they won’t), they ain’t gonna offer you no dream job.
3. I don’t need magic prescription lenses to see opportunities
Bigger cities do normally have more opportunities, sure, it’s a ratio kind of thing. I have no issue with people moving for careers and jobs and lifestyles – that’s certainly not what this post is about. What it is about is this incredible culture that has developed that allows people who are socially, academically and professionally lazy enough to think that a bigger city also means more will happen for less effort. My life has been more opportunity rich than I ever imagined it would be, but what all you pre-Melbournites refuse to listen to is the part where I worked hard and made sacrifices for that to be the case.
4. There’s plenty of stuff to do here
“It’s so boring here, nothing ever happens, there’s nowhere good to go!” – Are you fucking shitting me?! Hobart is so often heralded for its hospitality, for the quality of our food and the beautiful scenery we encounter when we take time to enjoy it. Yes, give me a seedy pub in a bigger city with more ugly industrial buildings any day… And no one hangs out with you? Do you hang out with anyone? It can be that simple team.
5. The irrationality of rationality (courtesy of Weber & Ritzer)
Calculability and rationality, keys to success. If I move somewhere bigger, more exciting and more popular I can be exactly the same and expect different results. That’s a definition of madness right? Again, this is no way a go at the motivated, it’s a defiant stand on behalf of us who stay here and then, for no reason, have to suffer the onslaught of you inadvertently telling us how shit out lives are. For fucks sake, WE DON’T LEAVE BECAUSE WE LIKE IT HERE. We like it here and it’s both hurtful and offensive when you’re too busy telling us otherwise to even ask how we’ve been while you’ve been gone.
*Finally, obviously people move for right and wrong reasons all the time, it works out/doesn’t, whatever. People are also genuinely unhappy and need to go. That’s not my point, my point is that back at home we already understand this, what we don’t understand is why you have to boast about it by demeaning our lives in the meantime.