After being on a political roll here on What Is The Run Dude?, I’m going to swim against the tide and return back to our twenty-something roots (heh, roots). If you haven’t been here before you should take a look at our previous posts, especially if you’re one of those beautiful human beings who believes in marriage equality.
Tonight I want to return to my favourite topic of epiphany and a bit of self-reflection. Warning: I might not even be witty but I am prone to making jokes accidently. Laughing with you, not at you right?
My point tonight is on spending time alone. It’s interesting as someone who always feels like they’re never home enough to see what happens when you’re finally confronted with that moment of solitude. As someone who has always had resentful friends because I never have time for them, who seems to give the impression that she has some kind of time transcending social life and who has to constantly here this idea that they’re doing well because they’ve got a lot of shit on it’s refreshing to know that in the end it only comes together as a clear misrepresentation of what you’re about and who you are.
It’s that moment when you come home not expecting the house to be empty, when you thought you were going out again and discover as soon as you walk in the door that you’re not, that you realise how confronting it is to finally be alone with nothing to do and how disappointing it is that you even feel confronted at all.
It’s that moment when you remember than you never got over your fear of being home alone and you have to stalk the house to convince yourself the bad guy from The Bill isn’t hiding behind one of the doors. When you have to convince yourself that even after years, the shadow freaking you out is the same one that kept you up when you were ten and that the sound of the rain isn’t someone trying to open your window.
It’s also that moment when you realise you do like drinking beer alone and you’re not sure if that’s ok. When you realise you are a bad student, that you’re tired and that there’s no point knowing what to do with 99% of your life when you don’t quite know what to do with yourself.
It’s also when you realise who you need and love in life when you pick up your phone and send that ‘wish you were here message’. When you can’t tell if you haven’t managed to grow up yet or in your fake grown up existence you just forgot what was important.
In the end, if you want to know if you’re doing life right, wait for that moment when you really need to show some initiative. Everything that’s confronting in that moment is everything you’re about.